Happy New Year 2008

There once was a year, 2007
Started out like hell, ended up like Heaven
From too much candy
To not enough lettuce
I had to deal with bad momamptum
And plenty of nomamptum
2007 was a year I hope to forget
I'd predicted that it would be a year of big change
I just didn't realize how painful it would be
Personal losery
Malicious Accusery
When someone be lyin'
You can't go on cryin'
You must always remember
When it gets to September
There is still time
To turn things around
The Union of LONO
Look Out for Number One
The lies fade away
And you can make your way
Always end up on a high note
That way you forget all the bad singing
Live life with confidence
And be a good person
As a famous novelist once said
Everyone gets what they deserve in the end
And that's the truth.

King and Queen - A Poem

I was walking down a one way street,
With geometry boots on both my feet,
A lady was going down the other side,
Walking her dogma with obvious pride.

She wore a cloak, a hat, no shoes.
Who was she? I had no clues.
Lightning struck, thunder roared,
Above the street, an eagle sword.

I waved at her with my musical hat.
She didn't notice my waterproof cat.
I took a look into her eyes,
They told no truth, only lies.

I crossed the street, she did the same,
As we met, she called my name.
She said to me, where have you been?
Now is the time; the time to win!

Passion ruled the ocean waves,
Intertwined were two brainwaves.
All truths were puzzled,
Any lies were muzzled.

I went left, she went right,
Who noticed in the moonlight.
I forgot all about the eyes,
Never thought to recognize.

Events were too swift,
Never got the drift.
Across the sea, the sun went down,
I turned around; she'd left town.

Poem - Don’t Give Up

I'm not sure what year I wrote this, but I wrote it for my cousin Kathy...

Don’t Give Up

Don’t give up
Buttercup
Don’t you frown
Or turn upside down

Don’t fulminate
Just dominate
Remember Geronimo
High five an Eskimo

Shampoo the tattoo
On the kangaroo at the zoo
Anything that you can think
From grandiose to rinky-dink

Do them all from A-Z
But just don’t sit on a killer bee
Just get well, I declare
We all love you, so hang in there

Poem - The Window Box

The Window Box

The moray eel,
The more I like it.
TLC
1981

Poem - Unemployment

Unemployment

We are poor,
Because we have no sense.
We are duped,
Because we have no cents.
The newly fallen idol,
Do not have jobs.
We are in the flower of our youth,
Welcome to the fuchsia.
TLC
5/91

Poem - Frogs on Ladders

Frogs on Ladders

Out of the sky they're falling down,
Red and Blue and Green and Brown,
Floating here and gliding there,
Where they'll land, who know where.
See the freeway and the beans,
Flying above the changing scenes,
Here comes Tony, he plummets down,
All the rest go round and round.
He sees no beans or any road,
He sees himself, squashed like a toad.
The runway looms, hard as granite,
This wasn't how he had planned it.
It should be great, this falling free.
Tony thinks, this just can't be!
Tony thinks?? That's not true!
He must be up there, sniffing glue!
He yanks the lines, he pulls with care,
He hopes the chute will soon hold air.
The chute unfurls, there it goes,
His quick descent finally slows.
He hits the ditch, he hits his face,
In falling speed, he's got first place.
He's still got the ripcord in his hand,
Inside his head, he hears a band.
He's still alive, to his delight,
He'll think twice, before the next flight!
TLC
1984

Song - Deck The Halls With Mystic Crystals

Deck The Halls With Mystic Crystals

Dance around the mystic crystal, Z Z Z Z Zap, Z zap zap zap
It's the New Age let's be cheerful, Z Z Z Z Zap, Z zap zap zap
Spin we now the orange chakra, Z Z Z Z Zap, Z zap zap zap
UFO'S on Mount Shasta, Z Z Z Z Zap, Z zap zap zap
Here the Channeler sits before us, Z Z Z Z Zap, Z zap zap zap
Takes a trip back to Atlantis, Z Z Z Z Zap, Z zap zap zap
Follow him in psychic tripping, Z Z Z Z Zap, Z zap zap zap
While he does some wallet stripping, Z Z Z Z Zap, Z zap zap zap
Fast away the New Age passes, Z Z Z Z Zap, Z zap zap zap
Wasted time in psychic classes, Z Z Z Z Zap, Z zap zap zap
Fads will come and fads will go, Z Z Z Z Zap, Z zap zap zap
What comes next I do not know, Z Z Z Z Zap, Z zap zap zap
TLC
12/87

Poem - Cubic Reality

Cubic Reality

The babble got to be too much,
They talked of things I'd never touch.
Varicose veins and sagging buns,
Clothes too tight and stocking runs.
Calls and calls, all times of day,
Party tonight, it's time to play.
As my mind went down the tube,
I got to switch to another cube.
Now the sun basks my lair,
Warms the skin, the desk, the chair.
Times are good, times are bad,
But without the sun, we can't be glad.
TLC
3/86

Poem - Choice

Choice

As dawn makes its way through the trees,
I see a bridge astride a creek.
Steam floats lazily from dead stumps,
I stand, though my legs are weak.
A road goes to the bridge,
But none comes out.
An easy path crosses mine,
It's not the only route.
So on this day before the rest,
I have a choice that's very old.
The certain way that leads nowhere,
Or the one that's adventuresome and bold.
TLC
1982

Poem - Blue Cheese

Blue Cheese

In the streets,
Where icebergs play,
They see a truck.
Lettuce pray!
TLC
1984

Poem - Barbary Landfill

Barbary Landfill

If you ever meet a fossil ape,
Shake his hand and be his friend.
Cause if you run off to escape,
He'll grab you and you'll bend.
So when you're walking down the street
And the ape approaches you,
Don't run off unless you're fleet
Or he'll toss you to Timbuktu.
TLC
1981

Poem - Travels with an Aunt

Travels with an Aunt

I was stuck inside a tortoise shell
Sliding in the mud
My head started ringing like a bell
When I suddenly stopped with a thud.
I stuck out my head to see the light
And was amazed at what I saw
A pterodactyl in full flight
With my shell grasped in his claw.
The flying reptile set me down
As softly as can be
I looked around and saw a clown
He was riding on a flea.
I found a girl and kissed her face
She hugged me and she cried
"Get me out of this crazy place!"
So I got a crowbar and pried.
The flying lizard fell off the cliff
The girl and I did run
On the beach we found a skiff
And then we had some fun.
TLC
1981

A Visit from St. Mick (Aussie Style)

A Visit From St. Mick (Aussie Style)

(With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore)

'Twas the night before Christmas, in the land of Oz,
Uncle Jocko was over, you know, the one with the schnoz.
The Fosters were flowing, there was a smell in the air,
We knew what it was, we just didn't know where.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While we put ice bags on top of our heads.
We were waiting for St. Mick, the one with the swag,
Last year he showed up driving a Jag.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Told the wife to check it out before she gets fatter.
Away to the window she flew like a flash,
She must have thought he was bringing some cash.

The moon on her breasts gave me a big thrill,
I had better slow down or I'll be needing a pill.
I went to the window and put on my socks,
To my surprise, I saw a beer wagon towed by eight tiny crocs.

The driver was bent over, he seemed to be sick,
I knew in a moment - It must be St. Mick!
They were crawling real slow, they must have been lame,
He was slurring his words as he called them by name.

"Now Ripper!, now Gripper!, now Poofter and Vixen!
I'd remember the rest, if I wasn't so Blitzen!
To the top of the porch and over the walls,
If you can't fly any higher, I'll rip off your balls!"

So, up to the housetop the crocodiles flew,
With a wagon of Vegemite - and St. Mick, too.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the wall,
The scraping and scratching of each tiny claw.

My head was spinning, I was feeling quite moldy,
When St. Mick waltzes in, drinkin' a coldie!
He was all dressed in leather, but his clothes were all wet,
It was hot out tonight, he smelled like Goana sweat.

A bundle of Beer he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a swagman just opening his pack.
His eyes, they were bloodshot! His sneer, how scary!
His cheeks and his nose were as red as a cherry;

"St. Mick!", I exclaimed, "Have you got something for us?
I've been drinkin' all night, my right leg must be porous!"
With a shake of his head, drool sprayed from his lips,
He spotted the women and grabbed for their hips.

He missed with his grab and went straight back to work,
He filled all the beer steins; then turned with a jerk,
And sticking his finger inside of his nose,
Blew out a big one that scared off some crows.

He fell into the wagon and broke some of the booze,
And away they all flew like they were chased by some roos.
We had enough coldies for our party to liven,
"Happy Christmas to all, and don't you go driven'!"

tlc - 1991